May 14, 2015

In Hopes Of Repairing My Despaired Soul

You know that feeling when you're constantly surrounded by successful people and the never ending success stories of other; and how that makes you feel like a proper and total failure? That is me in a nutshell right now. 

I wish I could blame all this on hormones but in all honesty the fault is entirely mine. I have stopped finding the time to be creative. I am constantly using the words, 'I'm tired' as a cover up for my lack of discipline and determination. I used the words 'I am mentally exhausted' as a front to just be plain old lazy.

Watching other people live my dream could be the wake up call that I need, or it could actually be the double edged sword that ultimately pushes me further into my excuses and despair.  Afraid to face the reality. Afraid of chasing my dream as I thought I would; with sheer force and passion.

I would like to say that I am getting old, so maybe that's why Im feeling so retrospective. But let's be honest, I haven't done much in the last few years to be awarded that luxury. 

I need to rise above this despair and so something. I NEED to follow my dreams; more importantly, I NEED to make time for my dreams. If not, that is what they will always remain; as plain old dreams of a once youthful soul.


February 3, 2015

Johnson's Products Bad? Say Whuuuut?! | No More Toxic Tub

After months of not being around and pretty much ignoring le blog; I've come back to my favourite place to share a bit of baby info. I know, I know; I come back after being away and it's all about the baby! But stay with me, okay guys?

 A few months ago, I noticed that Z had something like dry skin on her legs and arms. After lots of lotion and potions, it still wasn't going away. We took Z to the doctors' and he said it was eczema (even though it wasn't itching) and gave us a lotion and another cream to apply. Unfortunately it didn't go away.

Somewhere last week, I took Z out for a playdate and our friends all noticed how red her cheeks were (they looked like really ripe tomatoes). While were leaving, I noticed that it wasn't red anymore. As I was talking to the other Mamas, that I then realised that I had put on a Johnson & Johnson's lotion on her cheeks right before leaving. It was supposed to soothe Z's irritated skin rather than leave it inflamed.

Everyone I knew, kept saying (offhandedly) how bad their products were and I decided to do some research. Conclusion: I don't know about you guys, but I sure as hell did not know that Johnson & Johnson's product contains ingredients that in simple terms are carcinogenic. What that means is that it contains ingredients that could, in the long term cause cancer. Now, I'm not the type that screams 'WOLF' all the time at every single thing.

So the findings were made in 2009; a time where I was struggling to with my Masters degree and so so far away from a family life that this didn't even make a blip in my radar. I mean of course, logically, it takes a lot of exposure to the stuff for it to be harmful. And I agree and respect people who while knowing all the facts still proceed to use the products.

But here's the thing, those cancer-producing ingredients are not the only thing that is in the formulation. Those other things unfortunately can irritate and aggravate certain skin conditions; which it has unfortunately with little miss Z.

It turns out that we've been buying lots of Johnson & Johnson's product for Z's bath time over the last few months and that could be one of the causes of the dry skin eczema. I really liked reading this particular post because it lists down specifically what ingredients causes which side effects

You would think that baby products shouldn't be harsh to their skin but in this case, we're-oh-so-wrong. After all this reading and feeling like a horrible Mama (admit it, we all go through bouts of guilt when it comes to child rearing), I got on Amazon and ordered a small fortune in what is supposed to be 'organic' baby wash and shampoo.

Now, I'm not going to name those products or anything because I don't want anyone to think that I've been paid to write this up (I wish I was though, LOL). However, if Z cooperates enough, I might try to take photos of her skin before and after using the organic products. Just as a comparison for myself; and for husband if he complains the organic products are too expensive to repurchase. 

Now, I'm just (not so) patiently waiting for my Amazon order to arrive and to swap out all of Z's lotions and potions.

*drums fingers on table*


November 1, 2014

Establishing Breastfeeding When Your Newbown Is In The Hospital (Part1)

As promised, this is my vlog on my breastfeeding experience with my little girl, Zia. I have decided to split the videos into three parts so that it's not TOO long. As it is, it's already almost 10 minutes and I edited a whole lot of things out. Oh well, I guess that calls for another video! ;)

Also, sorry my dears, for the not so great quality of the video. I promise the next ones will be back to the usual, pretty awesome, quality!

Hope this video, helps those of you who are planning on breastfeeding. 

Any feedback, suggestions and constructive criticism are welcomed. 

You can subscribe to my YouTube channel here:


p/s: That is a picture that I took of Google. Link here:

October 30, 2014

Was It Racism Or Was It My Imagination?

So after weeks of being a lazy arse, today I bundled up a cranky baby (erm, should I be calling her a toddler now?!) and headed out to the library near my place. Now this isn't the usual baby group session that I attend with Z, which is at a different library. But with the weather being what it is, I have missed a few sessions and today I started feeling restless. 

When we got to the library it was still quite empty so Z and I sat down near some shelves (so that tired Mama can lean on the shelves) and Z although a bit reserved at first, started getting comfortable. Slowly the room started filling up and, a lady in a purple T-shirt started saying 'Hi' to the others. She walked around taking the names of the children for the 'Hello Song'.

Now, when she got to me she barely looked at me and quickly scribbled down Z's name without even sparing Z a glance. And when she went to the lady seated next to me (it was her first time at that particular session too) that lady in purple, was really nice to her; even going to the lengths of introducing herself and all. 

Imagine in a room full of Caucasians, ang mohs, gores; whatever you want to call them, I was the only one who was so obviously Asian, and also the only one so very obviously Muslim. I really found the whole behaviour odd as I have always met people who were really kind and friendly towards us. This lady didn't even smile at Z (ignored her in fact), when Z toddled up to her while they were singing the nursery rhymes.

Obviously, I felt a bit put off by the whole session regardless of the other Mamas being quite friendly. I was telling husband about my experience and obviously he responded with the classic, 'you are probably overthinking and oversensitive'. 

Well, given the fact that 99% of the people that we have met here have been really friendly and accommodating, Mr. Husband might just be right. Although, to be sure of it, I am going to drag my arse out again next week to this particular class without caring about the rain or the wind (exaggeration much), just to get a feel of things. If I'm still not comfortable I guess I'll just have to look for other options of entertainment. 

Fingers crossed.


October 28, 2014

So I've Been Really Absent & Have Returned With A Vlog As An Apology

I know I should probably apologize for being missing for months but to appease the blogging and vlogging Gods, (and also your pretty much justifiable disappointment) I have here an offering. A weekend vlog; clips of the mundane which for me are as exciting as hell (desperate housewife, much?). And thanks to my voyeuristic tendencies of watching other people's vlogs, I decided to make one of our weekend.

We had a lovely weekend of cold weather, comfy pyjamas and of course lots and lots of food. Ummm, yeeeeaaaah we still have leftovers of the roast chicken and the salted caramel apple crumble. Yikes!

Let me know if you enjoyed watching.

You can subscribe to my YouTube channel here:


p/s: Husband said that this video looks like some single dad type advert. First of all, I was the camerawoman because I pretty much don't trust husband's camera wielding skills. Second, would be that I don't wear the hijab at home (obviously) and wasn't going to wear it on purpose just so that I could be in the video. That would be a whole lot of funny isn't it? Or is it? Hmmmmm....well, lets see what happens next weekend! ;)


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